Lack of Listening

I watched Mean Girls with my CRAM staff a couple weeks ago, late one night. Sadly, I was the only one to stay awake through the whole thing. Kind of embarrassing on my part since I would laugh kind of loudly, alone, wrapped in a blanket, at silly high school girls that I've never seen in my life. Good to know that the others still liked it and had seen it before and were just tired.

CRAM, for those who don't know, is an intense three week period of time when jrs, srs, and incoming freshmen can come and take a couple college classes. I got the chance to serve as a PA for CRAM and listen to the stories of 36 amazing high school students. I was struck by just how willing many of them were to be open and vulnerable about themselves and seeking God's truth and healing in so many ways. Some of their stories cut me really deeply and I was struck by just how crucial of a time high school is for teenagers. I held conversations that seemed very simple to me, but these kids thought they were so deep and fulfilling. What a great thing! God can use my seemingly mundane and boring words to actually touch kids' hearts. It was a very humbling experience.

It was also very saddening to see how few of them engaged in serious conversations about life with their high school friends. I asked a couple students questions like "So what are you passionate about?" or "What's your story?" and would get a confused look and a cautionary response. Maybe its just part of the developmental process, or their upbringing, or their personal thoughts, but I just seemed to realize that most high school relationships are based on very shallow conversations that sometimes can appear to reach deeply. So, during CRAM, I had to learn how to ask questions. Good questions. Hard questions.

The deep conversations back then have a certain range. They include the heartfelt "Who's your crush?", the deep "Are you a Calvinist or Armininist?" and the pensive "What do you want to do when you're older?" These are, in fact, good questions (save the predestination/free-will one at that age) and have a place. I especially am fond of questions about personal life and their dreams and plans. Asking for a person's story is a great thing. I think the problem behind all of this, however, is the lack of listening that occurs. How easy it is to start in on a story of your own, or to turn the conversation to a lighter matter, or to simply ignore what the other person is saying! We've had a loss of listening in today's pop culture. We can't sit still and actually listen to other people any longer. We have to pass the buck on to someone else, we have to busy ourselves with tasks, we have to block out anything that makes us uncomfortable. Rarely can we ask the next question that will go deeper.

I want to learn to listen better. I want to be able to ask the right questions and say the right thing at the right time, even though I know I never will fully know what each individual person needs to hear at a specific moment. I guess I just want to understand people more and more.

On a lighter note, it is encouraging to think that these kids are now on their way to asking these hard questions of themselves and seeking others to have them ask them as well. I know many of the kids are planning on coming to TU, and that excites me - not just because I love the place, but because I know that they will add quite a bit to whatever floor or wing they are on. They are great people and I have learned so much from them and have been challenged to continue to grow in my own life. I don't miss high school at all and I wish I could take these guys and just put them on fast forward so they could be here faster. But I'm not the One in charge. They're where they are for a reason and I'm where I am for a different reason. Thank God for that.

Also, I think I might want to teach someday. I have no idea.