remembering to breathe

Well, its been awhile blog-fans (Hi Mom and Dad) and so I've decided to write a little bit about what I've been thinking about lately as I've got a little bit of energy left before I head to bed tonight. Also, i'm frustrated because I'm trying to listen to Susan Boyle sing on Youtube, but because of the amount of freshmen who need to be on Facebook, i am unable to even access this page without it taking some time. Oh well. I suppose my own music will have to do. It sucks having a iTunes giftcard and not having the decisive ability to choose a CD to buy within a healthy amount of time. It sits in my account for at least three weeks before I buy something on a regular basis. I tease it by listening to the 30-second clips over and over again of two different CD's, only to become befuddled in my decision-making and leave it heartbroken, sitting in that little corner of my iTunes store account for a potentially unlimited amount of time. But seriously...

These past few weeks have been incredibly interesting. Busy, complicated, unpredictable, hurtful, beautiful, and altogether unexpected. It is hard to discern what God has been trying to teach me over the past few weeks because I'm still in the middle of it, but I have been learning one big thing: humility.

For the first time, I was turned down for something I applied for. This was a real shock to me, which I realize sounds arrogant in itself, but it honestly was. I've been privileged to get accepted for the programs and positions I've applied for up until now, and it was very surprising to be turned down for the first time. It's good though, because it has reminded me that for some crazy reason or another the world goes on very well without Andrew Lehr (I know, you're as surprised as I am) and that there are people better qualified for positions than I am. However, this means that hopefully (and prayerfully) I'll be officially employed at Newpointe Christian Church this summer and living with one of my best friends and also 5 hours closer to my beautiful girlfriend!

God's will = Gonna happen. I may try to figure it out as best I can, and choose what I think God is leading me towards, but He's going to put me there in the end. I'm not a big fan of "trying to find God's will" because I think He wants us to search it out for ourselves, but He doesn't leave us alone in that search. Also, sometimes He's got different plans for us; hence, here I come Ohio! (Again, hopefully. If you wouldn't mind, keep praying that this works out)

I've also been having some "confirmation" about my thoughts about grad programs lately. I found out a friend of mine is planning on applying for the MAHE program, which is really encouraging because I was wondering if I would be the only one I knew about from Taylor applying. It would be awesome to be in the same cohort as DK, so we'll have to see if we get accepted. My passion for doing something along the lines of Student Development has been growing continually. I'm still going to apply for a couple other schools and at least one will go to a program for a masters in Counseling Psychology. This summer will be devoted to grad school searches for sure - I just hope I'm not too late in doing that search. If anything that I've going through lately has taught me anything its that to allow God to close doors rather than open them.

Currently, I feel ridiculously busy. Tomorrow I'm heading down to Indy to speak about SE Asia at my mom's school, and then rushing back for a leadership conference this weekend and then finally enjoying some quality time with Jo for the first time in too long. Next weekend, we've got Youth Conference, which I'm really excited about, but also know that it will drain me quite a bit. The weekend after that we've got floor activities/recoup time, then the weekend following that we've got our dorm holiday Bergwalliday, and then our last weekend on campus, and then graduation, and probably some more run-on sentences in blogs to appear in between that time. Three exams next week. My feet haven't touched the ground in too long, and they won't for some time it seems. This makes me nervous because I don't like not having time for reflection and I know I don't do well when I don't get that time. I'll have to make setting aside that time a priority. I also don't like not having time to spend with my friends and girlfriend. It sucks. I feel very fake when I do get that time because I'm so concerned that I say what I want to say rather than really being present with whoever I'm with. I'm not really ready for this year to be over because it means a lot of new things for next year, but it will be nice to break from work for a bit. God taught me to breathe in Ireland, and I think He's reminding me of that once again. I want to write more about that when its not 1:14am.

I'll be fine I'm sure, but it feels good to write it out simply to make my thoughts a bit clearer. I've had much more on my plate than this, so I'm not worried. Good things are happening and I'm pumped that I get to be part of them. Also, I have two Coldplay tickets for June in my possession currently and that is AWESOME.