Story

I've been doing a lot of thinking about 'story' lately.

I distinctly recall moving in my freshmen year, especially since I moved in on my birthday and was almost dubbed "birthday guy" by my PA, who coincidentally, is now one of my best friends. Maybe because he didn't nickname me that. Fast-forward four years and here I sit, a lame duck of a PA, wishing I could join the circus until I go to grad school. Time, you fickle mistress, you have betrayed me.

As I think about what I will be leaving behind on my floor or on campus in general, the realization sets in that I will be very quickly forgotten, even while I'm still at Taylor. Despite my reign as PA on my floor for the past couple of years or any of the other leadership positions I've been in, I'll be forgotten soon enough. More leaders will come. Four more years from now, no one will remember who Andrew Lehr was or what he did. My story here is quickly ending. I know that I have learned so much from my time here on my floor and gained more than I can ever give back, and I struggle to sum it up in words.

I don't want to.

If I had to put all of my lessons learned into words, into some tangible form of media, a few things might happen: you might stop reading (i'm surprised you made it this far), you might fall asleep, my fingers might collapse, or I would give up. It's just not worth it. But I want to tell my story so desperately because my story is linked within God's story. His story has interwoven itself in mine, encompassed mine, and has given meaning to my story.

I just finished reading John Steinbeck's The Red Pony, about a boy's journey to maturity through a series of difficult life circumstances that come his way. I'm reminded of what the boy's grandfather tells him at one point,

"I tell those old stories, but they're not what I want to tell.

I only know how I want people to feel when I tell them."

I know that my story has significance to me. It has significance to those close to me. It has significance to God. But my story is not what's important. People will get tired of my talking about how much I love my friends and family. People will stop wanting to hear the story about the worst pick-a-date ever. People don't care that I ate so many banana crepes that I puked. People don't care that I did a whole bunch of things.

What's important is what people feel when I tell those stories. It's what I wanted those people to feel while my story was being written. It's what I want people to feel when they hear about my story. It's what I want people to feel when they hear God's story. My story, while important, finds its purpose in the feeling those who hear get in their chest when they hear it. It's just a matter of living in a way that makes that feeling a good feeling.